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Tuesday, June 24th, 2003
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8:57 pm
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evacuation time.
to those of you interested in reading (because now I'm going to continue writing. I just got too used to here) about my life, comment and let me know.
other than that, au revoir!
current mood: hungry
current music: the cure - just like heaven
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| Tuesday, January 28th, 2003
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3:47 pm
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I'm afraid that from now on, most of the entries will be "friends-only". I anticipated this lock-down for quite some time now. I'm just being wary of who is out there and who may get their hands on this.
Leave a comment if you care to be added, or hell, just add anyways.
current mood: mellow
current music: radiohead - idioteque
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| Sunday, January 19th, 2003
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10:48 pm
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I'm not quite sure how to categorize how I'm feeling right now. It's not gloomy. It's not happy. It's nothing that I can possibly find words for. It's as if I'm floating from here to there; I'm in slow motion. And there is nothing wrong with that.
Right now, I would love to smoke a cigarette & satiate that nicotine urge that has been building up for weeks.
current mood: drained
current music: golden globes on tv, mum in my head.
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| Saturday, January 18th, 2003
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9:31 pm
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Sometimes I feel like the only place I can happily retreat to is inside myself, inside my own head. And it's not such a scary place anymore.
current mood: peaceful
current music: neutral milk hotel - calypso
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12:06 pm
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to everyone who responded to that list post thing, thank you very very much =)
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| Friday, January 17th, 2003
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9:42 pm
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i'm sick of routines. wake up, stumble blindly to the bathroom, wash face, brush teeth, stare at disheveled hair. stumble back to room, dig through closet to find a skirt, dig through closet to find shirt, thrown on dirty sneakers or flip flops. stumble back to bathroom, attempt to de-volumize hair, put on black eyeliner, put on lip gloss, spray perfume. stumble downtsairs, grab cup of tea, grab bookbag, grab cd player, stumble out the door.
I'm sick of the same boring places and the same boring things and same boring people. I'm sick of the same boring make-up, the same boring clothes, the same boring shoes, the same boring hairstyles. I'm sick of the same boring stories and same boring everyday events.
Now, on January 14, 2003 at a measly 9:41 pm, I begin my life.
current mood: restless
current music: Depeche Mode - Enjoy the Silence
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4:51 pm
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To everyone on my friends list, please recommend:
1. A book or books to read
2. A movie to rent
3. A song or band to listen to
4. An lj user
5. Anything else worthwhile and/or exciting !!
I'm counting down the days until next wednesday.
current mood: bored
current music: radiohead - idiotque
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| Thursday, January 16th, 2003
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5:56 pm
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I'm such a crazy cosmic kid.
Today, on the bus ride home, I fell madly in anonymous love with a man riding two rows down and one seat to the left of me on the bus. He looked like one of those dirty garage rock boys who forgot what soap looked like. And I hid there, beneath my trusty hooded sweatshirt, boho skirt, massive headphones, and black eyeliner; staring him down in awe of his confidence. Maroon aviator sunglasses. Mussed up brown hair. A hint of stubble. A too-tight aqua, blue, and yellow striped thrift shirt circa 1983. Clingy jeans, hugging his frame, and battered chucks.
And as I got off on 47th street, he peered over his maroon aviators and smiled at me. I suppose he noticed me, too.
current mood: happy
current music: (the warlocks)
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| Wednesday, January 15th, 2003
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7:01 pm
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Purple amethyst flowers in neon green fields of grass, with the sky a miraculous blue. And you were there, you looked more beautiful than I remembered you. Your lips were fuller, like a plate of red cherries. I wanted to kiss them to suck the juice out. I want to feel you again. Your eyes are so tiny, like tiny black pebbles hidden deep in the creases and the smile lines. Your hair, I remember your hair. I'd never seen color that sharp before, beauty so defined. You moved on the chessboard like a pawn, like a rook, like a bishop. You played until your heart was content, you played until you had me.
Check
current mood: impressed
current music: against me! - burn
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| Monday, January 13th, 2003
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9:08 pm
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i'm painting you with stars
i'm drowning in the air
you're an airborne apocalypse,
please don't let me breathe you in.
i feel you in my bones
on my lips
in my stomach
beside my heart
within my chest
inside of me.
you can trace my scars with your fingers
I immerse myself in the scalding hot bathtub, submerging my head slowly
My heart rising in my throat, colliding with the sharp air
curled beneath me, my dreams floar upwards to the ceiling like smoke
floating through the air, into the clouds, into the sky
hot water reminds me that i'm alive
it reminds me that crimson cherry blood flows through my veins
i've checked, i bleed
my blood is like sugar, sweet, bitter, intoxicating
it's all hallucinations
the water
the blood
the dreams
the sighs
it reminds me that i'm alive.
current mood: jubilant
current music: Radiohead - Everything in its Right Place
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3:58 pm
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Sometimes I wish I could keep the sky at my fingertips and the air in the palm of my hands. Every day feels like yesterday, as of late. It's a cycle; I'm not really heading anywhere in particular. My head is in the clouds; perfect little stars for eyes, and a heart as big as the world to hold everyone I meet, kiss, taste, love, and see. Let's drink to the sunrise and drown in the sunset.
(to miss emery: i love it & i love you more!)
current mood: hungry
current music: Interpol - Stella ....
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| Thursday, January 9th, 2003
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7:44 pm
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On some nights, I get this odd feeling of emptiness. Not the emptiness I felt when we stopped being lovers and not the emptiness when suitor number two and I stopped speaking. It's an emptiness that starts in my heart, I feel it in my chest cavity. It's as if the blood that flows through my body runs cold, I feel it creeping down my arms, down my legs. Through my fingertips and to my toes. It's an eerie cold; discomorting, unsettling, it leaves me with my breath caught in my throat and my heartbeat in my stomach. And then, the feeling subsides and I'm alright, but I don't know what this is and why I feel like this.
How can I be so empty sometimes, when I feel so happy?
current mood: empty
current music: Chuck Berry
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| Wednesday, January 8th, 2003
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3:33 pm
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Forever feels like a minute.
Lately I'm at this level of happiness that is undescribably sublime. I'm finding it difficult to match together words to possibly describe how I feel. I'm like air, I'm evanescent, drifting along floating from place to place. It's as if someone came over to me and kissed me gently on my lips while I was sleeping to wake me up. A modern day Sleeping Beauty (but where is the prince?) & there is nothing better than being awake. I can't sleep though, I'm scared that if I close my eyes, I'll miss something. Something important will pass me by. There is so much I want to do; I want to live, I want to be, I want to fly. I'm only 16. and nothing feels better than waking up in the morning and being able to take in the air around you and truly love the fact that you woke up that morning. going to school and seeing the same people everyday with the same problems and being so grateful that you're at least outside and can feel the breeze and be alive. to see your friends, your real friends, and share laughs, and tears, and hugs , and smiles. How I love you all.
current mood: grateful
current music: Blondie - Sunday Girl
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| Monday, January 6th, 2003
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8:54 pm
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Sometimes it feels like life goes in slow motion.
current mood: worried
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5:06 pm
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I don't think I've been this excited in a long time. I was practically dancing when my mother announced to me that she had purchased 2 tickets to go see COLDPLAY on the 22nd. That is one of the few bands that can acutally make my cry & I'm going to see them live in a matter of days.
Today, while riding the bus, I got some random ghetto boy's number. I wasn't quite sure whether to be flattered by his attempt at socializing with me or totally repulsed at his wardrobe and gold teeth. Apparently, girls with short spiky hair cuts, striped shirts, and black bohemian skirts are appealing to all kinds of guys.
I've been listening to Aphex Twin since the ride home hours ago. The beats have permanetly etched themselves into my brain. My heartbeat is in sync with the music . . .
(quick! someone smoke with me & soon.)
current mood: enthralled
current music: Aphex Twin
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| Saturday, January 4th, 2003
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10:11 pm
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Friday morning I went with Alex to a cafe for an early morning breakfast and while we were dining on tostadas and coffee, a man leaned over, inspected his shirt, and asked him point-black: "So, how much do you want for it?". I'd never seen a man buy someone else's shirt off their back. One of the highlights of my day.
Things just don't bother me anymore. At all.
current mood: peaceful
current music: Laura's CD
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| Thursday, January 2nd, 2003
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11:46 pm
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my chest feels completely and totally empty
deprived of oxygen
deprived of a heartbeat.
current mood: indescribable
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9:00 pm
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I cut my hair & it's a little less than stellar, at least not exactly how I expected. But thankfully, I can add a few hair products and VOILA! a beautiful mess of brown locks.
I can't wait for The Rules of Attraction to come out on dvd. I am in love with Shannyn Sossamon and her style. Every hat she wears I want to own !
current mood: thirsty
current music: Erasure - Stop!
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2:03 am
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There is not enough air in this earth to sustain me. I feel short of breath yet so satisfied. Just to glance over and be able to see you, to roll over and be able to touch you, brings me to another level. I’m high. I’m beyond the clouds, floating past the sun, brushing my fingertips against its hot surface. I want to inhale you like smoke then exhale you into the sky. Past the exploding stars and past the other galaxies I’m floating away from you. A web of sheer gauze to support me. Will you catch me if I fall ? What happens when my wings break ? Will you mend them with your slippery glittery touch? I’m so scared, I can’t breath anymore. I can’t see your face, you’re my dream lover. You show up in every fantasy in every dream, when my head hits the pillow and the sand enters my eyes you come and sweep me up in your cloud of love. In the morning the remnants of you remain, the strands of hair, Your cologne on my pillow. Did I dream you? Were you just a hallucination or were you as real as my heart? Your lips are sugar cubes and I’m seeing things now. I’m in love with a brief hallucination, an evanescent nightmare dream.
current mood: cosmic
current music: Sigur Ros
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| Wednesday, January 1st, 2003
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11:40 pm
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In anticipation to see the movie version of Chicago, I've immersed myself in the soundtrack. I've pranced about my house all day long singing "All That Jazz" at the top of my lungs by myself. I want to run away to New York City and audition for Broadway and blow them away. I'd be that girl with that voice who came in with one suitcase of clothing and stole the lead role in a Broadway play. Of course, I'd disappear just as quickly as I came and then begin my career as a writer in the heart of the Village. Anyone care to run away with me New York ?
There is nothing better or more fabulous than drinking orange juice out of a crystal clear and perfectly scultpted martini glass.
current mood: dorky
current music: Chicago - All That Jazz
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